E3 Attendees Extending Show; Extended Show Involves Mostly Partying.

HOTELS SURROUNDING THE STAPLES CENTER, CALIFORNIA - E3, the gaming convention where output of pictures of people posing with people they meet increases by approximately a thousand percent, ended yesterday -- at least, the part that the ESA officially endorses did. A group of "gaming journalists" have decided to continue the show until they're no longer able to pay for their invariably desecrated hotel rooms.

"E3 is really the only time of the year where we can party and call it work without anyone checking up on us, because they're either partying somewhere else, or writing snippets about how this game is doing this thing or how it's totally not," said Bob Newhope, a writer for some site not owned by a media conglomerate. "All the procrastinators unite at the Figueroa, telling each other to stay for the next round. We usually talk about the games we saw, all the great people we met who validate our lives, and usually make videos of all our undeniably entertaining conversations on why shooters are everywhere this year."

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Limbo 2 to be Called Limbo 2, Consists of Only One Dark Screen

Limbo creators PlayDead announced today that their next game would not be a new IP, as they had previously announced. Instead, they announced Limbo 2, the sequel to everyone's (Yes, we mean you as well. What, you didn't like it? What a dick.) favorite indie game since Braid or whatever the kids were talking about before Limbo came out. PlayDead CEO Dino Patti explained their decision in a press release I forgot to check earlier today.

"We started working on something fans would really get behind, but the more we worked on something new the more we realized the only thing fans would get behind no matter what was more Limbo. Even considering the ending we gave Limbo, PlayDead has already thought of seven ways to expand the Limbo universe. Our first idea was a Limbo vs. Mario at The Tour De France game, but Nintendo replied to our email with an animated .gif of a hand extending its middle finger repeatedly."

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Gamer jumps off bridge, dies for points

Belding, Michigan -- Avid video game enthusiast Chip Dibson made the ultimate sacrifice for his hobby this weekend. The twenty two year old McDonalds employee was found washed up down river after having thrown himself off of the local bridge. While police were investigating ways to blame a form of popular media on the death, they noticed that the iPhone clutched in his dead hands was opened to the game "Epic Win."

The popular "app" gives players the ability to create a "to-do" list of day-to-day chores, and then earn "points" for their "character" as they "complete" items on the "list." Police say Chip's brother, Gus, has confessed to putting "Jump off of bridge" on his brother's to-do list within the game.

"He plays that game constantly, and I always joked that he would do anything on his list despite the consequences just to get all of the possible points. So I snuck into his room when he was sleeping and added "Jump off of bridge" to his list. When he woke up, he yelled at me about it and said he had to do it now so he could complete his list. I didn't think he was serious." said Gus in the police report.

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Extremely bored gamer plays past first hour of latest licensed game, discovers disturbing videos

It's no secret that licensed games are completely unplayable pieces of junk. But what you might not have known, is that apparently the developers know that as well, and act accordingly. Well, at least we always assumed that... until now. Now, we have proof.

Yesterday morning an article was submitted to N4G, and in a matter of minutes had begun gaining popularity. It was a horribly written article, but what it contained had taken the gaming community by storm. In a half hour's time Joystiq had picked it up and was reporting on it. In only a few hours, seemingly the entire Internet.

The original article, found here, was written by one Hunter Anderson -- a deeply disturbed, or stupid, or, maybe really drunk individual; We're not entirely sure. Either way, he detailed a harrowing journey in which he actually attempted to complete the most recently released licensed game. What he found would confirm what countless snotty gamers have always presupposed.

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