The E3versation: Game Inquisitor's E3 Not-yet-facts

The Electronic Entertainment Expo, also known as E3 (pronounced Eth), is just around the corner. While most other gaming outlets are scrambling to get plane tickets and working to provide you in-depth coverage throughout the show, we here at The Game Inquisitor are resting on our laurels. But, frankly, we wanted the page hits that come with writing an E3 post, so I sat down in a dingy crawl space with fellow Game Inquisitor Truth Tzar, Travis "Brent Spiner" McReynolds, to discuss our predictions.

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Final Fantasy VII remake officially announced

Shocking news for many long-time fans of the franchise, SquareEnix officially announced a current generation remake of their bestselling Playstation title Final Fantasy VII earlier today. Details in the announcement were scarce, but I was invited to attend a press conference at SquareEnix headquarters for more on this highly anticipated Q4 2011 release.

Upon arriving at the press conference, it quickly became apparent that I was the only reporter in attendance. Strange circumstance, but not entirely impossible considering the announcement was made only today, right?

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SquareEnix to revive Rad Racer series, capitalize on 3D/Radness trend resurgences

3D is the future of Television and video games, right? That's what companies have been hinging on lately, and SquareEnix is no exception. They recently announced that they were bringing back their Rad Racer franchise in order to capitalize on the growing 3D trend.

"You know how, when a major movie remake like King Kong or Clash of the Titans comes out in theaters, the companies that own the originals will quickly rerelease it to store shelves? Well, this is kind of like that." said SquareEnix President and CEO, Yoichi Wada. "We aren't going to be changing much. It'll actually be pretty much the exact same game. We found about a hundred giant boxes of those 3D glasses in the basement, and we figured we might as well use them."

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Rockstar Games hires legal team, discovers geographic location names exempt from copyright law

Interesting news from Rockstar Games’ New York City office today, news that gives insight into one of the developer’s most consistent and baffling design choices. It turns out the company’s executive team had no idea they’re legally free to use specific location names in their games.

In a statement released this afternoon Dan Houser, Vice President of Creativity, said, “We’ve always had lawyers at the ready to defend us from the countless lawsuits brought our way by disgruntled parents, but now that we’ve got a legal team in house to look at our products we’re learning a lot. For instance, city names like Miami, New York, and Los Angeles are absolutely fair game. This is what happens when you assume.”

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'Six Days in Fallujah' developer details torture mini-game, confident they'll find publisher

There have been plenty of controversial video games before, but most have been for their inclusion of violence or sexual situations. Very few have ever dared to tread into the realms of a real, historical event to tell their story; Those that have were almost entirely indie developed games... until now.

You may have heard of the controversy surrounding developer Atomic Games' 'Six Days in Fallujah' already, but it definitely won't be ending there. Since losing their original publisher, Konami -- after a group of war veterans criticized the game's existance -- the studio has been hard at work promoting the game in the hopes of landing a new publisher.

Unfortunately, they may just be shooting themselves in the foot. In a recent interview with This Gamesite Isn't Fake, they talked about how confident they were in finding a new publisher, then immediately revealed their new torture mini-game section to the interviewer.

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Denis Dyack reveals he’s an alien; No one surprised

Earlier this afternoon, a man with a misspelled first name and made-up last name, Denis Dyack, confirmed what everyone in the video game industry already knew. Dyack is an alien. Speaking on the subject, Dyack remarked, “It’s true, I’m an alien from outer-space. Silicon Knights isn’t just the name of my development company, but also the name of my Andromedan Space Navy regiment. Not to brag or anything, but it’s the best Space Navy regiment ever; so good, in fact, that we’ve changed the face of Space Navy regiments across the galaxy.”

Long-time friend and co-worker, Steve Henifin, explained, “I always knew Denis was weird, but I thought maybe he was just foreign or something. Nope: alien. In retrospect, it makes a lot of sense.”

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President Obama banishes video games to hell

Exercising a little-known executive power that has gone unused since the Van Buren administration, President Barack Obama officially banished video games to Hell early Tuesday morning. The legislation, colloquially known as the “Go Outside and Play” act, was signed into law effective immediately leaving many in the video game industry stunned and without a job.

In an effort to defend the act, President Obama held a press conference earlier today with several notable names from the gaming industry. Among the attendees were Satoru Iwata of Nintendo, Bobby Kotick of Activision, and Billy what’s-his-face from that Donkey Kong movie. You know the one.

Said Obama of the act, “This has been a long time coming. Video games have been poisoning our youth since their inception and the United States will be better off without them. Seriously, what the hell is a Katamari? It sounds like some kind of seafood, but it’s not; I checked.”

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Brutally realistic Paperboy reboot in the works

In the last few years, an increasing amount of long forgotten franchises have been pulled from the basement shelves and given a makeover, but none as surprising as this. A new studio -- named The Existant Game Company (tagline, "This game company totally exists, we swear!") -- has licensed the Paperboy franchise from Midway and announced they are developing a reboot of the series.

"We want to make it true to the present day newspaper delivery field." said lead programmer Imma Realname. "It won't necessarily be fun, but it'll be realistic to the plight of the everyday newspaper carrier, and that's what we were aiming for."

Somewhat a franchise reboot, the game story will also act as a sequel of sorts. You'll still be playing as Frank, the Paperboy, but he is now a Paperman. All grown up, he has ditched the old bicycle route and obtained a motor route that takes him way out into the country roads.

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