Limbo 2 to be Called Limbo 2, Consists of Only One Dark Screen

Limbo creators PlayDead announced today that their next game would not be a new IP, as they had previously announced. Instead, they announced Limbo 2, the sequel to everyone's (Yes, we mean you as well. What, you didn't like it? What a dick.) favorite indie game since Braid or whatever the kids were talking about before Limbo came out. PlayDead CEO Dino Patti explained their decision in a press release I forgot to check earlier today.

"We started working on something fans would really get behind, but the more we worked on something new the more we realized the only thing fans would get behind no matter what was more Limbo. Even considering the ending we gave Limbo, PlayDead has already thought of seven ways to expand the Limbo universe. Our first idea was a Limbo vs. Mario at The Tour De France game, but Nintendo replied to our email with an animated .gif of a hand extending its middle finger repeatedly."

Read more »

Read more...

Gamer jumps off bridge, dies for points

Belding, Michigan -- Avid video game enthusiast Chip Dibson made the ultimate sacrifice for his hobby this weekend. The twenty two year old McDonalds employee was found washed up down river after having thrown himself off of the local bridge. While police were investigating ways to blame a form of popular media on the death, they noticed that the iPhone clutched in his dead hands was opened to the game "Epic Win."

The popular "app" gives players the ability to create a "to-do" list of day-to-day chores, and then earn "points" for their "character" as they "complete" items on the "list." Police say Chip's brother, Gus, has confessed to putting "Jump off of bridge" on his brother's to-do list within the game.

"He plays that game constantly, and I always joked that he would do anything on his list despite the consequences just to get all of the possible points. So I snuck into his room when he was sleeping and added "Jump off of bridge" to his list. When he woke up, he yelled at me about it and said he had to do it now so he could complete his list. I didn't think he was serious." said Gus in the police report.

Read more »

Read more...

Extremely bored gamer plays past first hour of latest licensed game, discovers disturbing videos

It's no secret that licensed games are completely unplayable pieces of junk. But what you might not have known, is that apparently the developers know that as well, and act accordingly. Well, at least we always assumed that... until now. Now, we have proof.

Yesterday morning an article was submitted to N4G, and in a matter of minutes had begun gaining popularity. It was a horribly written article, but what it contained had taken the gaming community by storm. In a half hour's time Joystiq had picked it up and was reporting on it. In only a few hours, seemingly the entire Internet.

The original article, found here, was written by one Hunter Anderson -- a deeply disturbed, or stupid, or, maybe really drunk individual; We're not entirely sure. Either way, he detailed a harrowing journey in which he actually attempted to complete the most recently released licensed game. What he found would confirm what countless snotty gamers have always presupposed.

Read more »

Read more...

An EXCLUSIVE Interview With Someone I Met on Xbox Live

A near-universal complaint people seem to have with playing random games online with people around this god-forsaken world is that they don't seem to be very nice. They're yelling stupid inane shit over the speakers all the time, referencing tired-ass internet memes constantly, using extremely derogatory language, and asking complete strangers to performs acts most of us would rather not perform.

But, being the amazing award-winning intrepid journalist general that I am, I decided I was better than most people merely by asking myself if there was perhaps some way to rectify this. Perhaps it wasn't that these people were using anonymity to commit hate crimes that would otherwise land them in jail or prison without consequences. Perhaps we, the people they're so desperately -- ineffectively -- trying to communicate with are the problem. I decided to get to know some of the people that regularly are seen as the vile half-bred step-child of 4Chan and see if there was perhaps something to this. I entered an online shooter match and let the sparks fly, as they say. I don't say it because I'm too creative to do so.

(The following conversation contains some very strong language. So strong it could break your...heart.)

Read more »

Read more...

Microsoft admits schizophrenia, healing process begins

In an effort to confuse potential customers regarding their upcoming Xbox 360 motion controller, now renamed “Kinect”, Microsoft has both confirmed and denied a retail pricetag of $150. Multiple online retailers have had the device listed at the $150 price point for over a week now, but earlier today the official Microsoft store put up a Kinect pre-order page matching that price.

Conversely, Xbox Live Group Manager Aaron Greenberg announced via Twitter that any retail “estimates” are “purely speculative”. Immediately after sending the tweet, Greenberg unbuttoned his shirt, tousled his own hair, and levitated over Las Vegas’ MGM Grand Hotel to complete what he referred to as a “mindfreak”.

Read more »

Read more...

EXCLUSIVE REVIEW: Deadly Premonition

When my review copy of Deadly Premonition arrived in the mail about 20 minutes late¹, I didn't know what to expect from the budget-horror title. The review was due in a week, and I was too busy watching awful movies that didn't mean anything ² to be bothered to review a game that didn't already have some sort of buzz surrounding it. But, I bucked up around 7 p.m., dizzy from being so full of myself, and sat down and started the game up.

Holy graham cracker-filled wheelbarrows, did Deadly Premonition surprise me. After checking the achievements as another test to see if the game was worth playing, I watched the beginning cutscene in utter awe. Not the sort of awe you feel in your stomach after seeing two puppies cuddle -- the sort of awe that you get in your gut when you found out that thing about Locke being a girl. I was literally so amazed by the kinds of gravitas that this game had in its first cutscene that I deleted Braid from every machine I had it installed on -- three, in case you're wondering -- in anticipation for the god-damned art I was about to get myself into.

Read more »

Read more...

An evening with Gex; Snarky no more, just pissed

I've managed to land an interview or two in the last year. Still, when I logged into my email inbox -- prepared to send out a few new requests for interviews -- I was shocked to find a request already sitting in wait for me. I didn't even have to ask this time, as one of the former stars of video games himself, Gex, was asking me to interview him.

Honestly, he came off a little desperate, so I felt bad for him. I agreed to meet him at a local coffee shop, as he said he didn't have room for me at his home. When I arrived he motioned me over from a table in one of the dark back corners. He had sunglasses despite being inside, and a coat with the collar popped up.

"Hey, uh... trying to stay low because of the... fame?" I asked.

"Not exactly." He responded, seemingly annoyed.

Read more »

Read more...

Super Mario Galaxy 2 Video Review

I've got some beef with all this Super Mario Galaxy 2 love, so I decided to do Game Inquisitor's first video review.

Read more...

The E3versation: Game Inquisitor's E3 Not-yet-facts

The Electronic Entertainment Expo, also known as E3 (pronounced Eth), is just around the corner. While most other gaming outlets are scrambling to get plane tickets and working to provide you in-depth coverage throughout the show, we here at The Game Inquisitor are resting on our laurels. But, frankly, we wanted the page hits that come with writing an E3 post, so I sat down in a dingy crawl space with fellow Game Inquisitor Truth Tzar, Travis "Brent Spiner" McReynolds, to discuss our predictions.

Read more »

Read more...

Final Fantasy VII remake officially announced

Shocking news for many long-time fans of the franchise, SquareEnix officially announced a current generation remake of their bestselling Playstation title Final Fantasy VII earlier today. Details in the announcement were scarce, but I was invited to attend a press conference at SquareEnix headquarters for more on this highly anticipated Q4 2011 release.

Upon arriving at the press conference, it quickly became apparent that I was the only reporter in attendance. Strange circumstance, but not entirely impossible considering the announcement was made only today, right?

Read more »

Read more...

SquareEnix to revive Rad Racer series, capitalize on 3D/Radness trend resurgences

3D is the future of Television and video games, right? That's what companies have been hinging on lately, and SquareEnix is no exception. They recently announced that they were bringing back their Rad Racer franchise in order to capitalize on the growing 3D trend.

"You know how, when a major movie remake like King Kong or Clash of the Titans comes out in theaters, the companies that own the originals will quickly rerelease it to store shelves? Well, this is kind of like that." said SquareEnix President and CEO, Yoichi Wada. "We aren't going to be changing much. It'll actually be pretty much the exact same game. We found about a hundred giant boxes of those 3D glasses in the basement, and we figured we might as well use them."

Read more »

Read more...

Rockstar Games hires legal team, discovers geographic location names exempt from copyright law

Interesting news from Rockstar Games’ New York City office today, news that gives insight into one of the developer’s most consistent and baffling design choices. It turns out the company’s executive team had no idea they’re legally free to use specific location names in their games.

In a statement released this afternoon Dan Houser, Vice President of Creativity, said, “We’ve always had lawyers at the ready to defend us from the countless lawsuits brought our way by disgruntled parents, but now that we’ve got a legal team in house to look at our products we’re learning a lot. For instance, city names like Miami, New York, and Los Angeles are absolutely fair game. This is what happens when you assume.”

Read more »

Read more...

'Six Days in Fallujah' developer details torture mini-game, confident they'll find publisher

There have been plenty of controversial video games before, but most have been for their inclusion of violence or sexual situations. Very few have ever dared to tread into the realms of a real, historical event to tell their story; Those that have were almost entirely indie developed games... until now.

You may have heard of the controversy surrounding developer Atomic Games' 'Six Days in Fallujah' already, but it definitely won't be ending there. Since losing their original publisher, Konami -- after a group of war veterans criticized the game's existance -- the studio has been hard at work promoting the game in the hopes of landing a new publisher.

Unfortunately, they may just be shooting themselves in the foot. In a recent interview with This Gamesite Isn't Fake, they talked about how confident they were in finding a new publisher, then immediately revealed their new torture mini-game section to the interviewer.

Read more »

Read more...

Denis Dyack reveals he’s an alien; No one surprised

Earlier this afternoon, a man with a misspelled first name and made-up last name, Denis Dyack, confirmed what everyone in the video game industry already knew. Dyack is an alien. Speaking on the subject, Dyack remarked, “It’s true, I’m an alien from outer-space. Silicon Knights isn’t just the name of my development company, but also the name of my Andromedan Space Navy regiment. Not to brag or anything, but it’s the best Space Navy regiment ever; so good, in fact, that we’ve changed the face of Space Navy regiments across the galaxy.”

Long-time friend and co-worker, Steve Henifin, explained, “I always knew Denis was weird, but I thought maybe he was just foreign or something. Nope: alien. In retrospect, it makes a lot of sense.”

Read more »

Read more...

President Obama banishes video games to hell

Exercising a little-known executive power that has gone unused since the Van Buren administration, President Barack Obama officially banished video games to Hell early Tuesday morning. The legislation, colloquially known as the “Go Outside and Play” act, was signed into law effective immediately leaving many in the video game industry stunned and without a job.

In an effort to defend the act, President Obama held a press conference earlier today with several notable names from the gaming industry. Among the attendees were Satoru Iwata of Nintendo, Bobby Kotick of Activision, and Billy what’s-his-face from that Donkey Kong movie. You know the one.

Said Obama of the act, “This has been a long time coming. Video games have been poisoning our youth since their inception and the United States will be better off without them. Seriously, what the hell is a Katamari? It sounds like some kind of seafood, but it’s not; I checked.”

Read more »

Read more...

Brutally realistic Paperboy reboot in the works

In the last few years, an increasing amount of long forgotten franchises have been pulled from the basement shelves and given a makeover, but none as surprising as this. A new studio -- named The Existant Game Company (tagline, "This game company totally exists, we swear!") -- has licensed the Paperboy franchise from Midway and announced they are developing a reboot of the series.

"We want to make it true to the present day newspaper delivery field." said lead programmer Imma Realname. "It won't necessarily be fun, but it'll be realistic to the plight of the everyday newspaper carrier, and that's what we were aiming for."

Somewhat a franchise reboot, the game story will also act as a sequel of sorts. You'll still be playing as Frank, the Paperboy, but he is now a Paperman. All grown up, he has ditched the old bicycle route and obtained a motor route that takes him way out into the country roads.

Read more »

Read more...